Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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