I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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