her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
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