Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
