yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
