I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
