do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
