I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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