Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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