i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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