please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
