I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
