Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
