the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
