Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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