My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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