I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
