you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
