Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
