My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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