I love black thongs
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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