I must be too annoying 4 u.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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