he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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