I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Who died my cat blue again?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
