I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
