K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
