how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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