If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Less talking, more tequila
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
