he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
