I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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