She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
