Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
