I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
