So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
