I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
