Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i now understand why vodka
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
