yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
