I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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