his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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