I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
