I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it was like his penis was on wheels.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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