How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
