check it out our google latitudes are spooning
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
it was like eating out sand paper
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
