remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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