Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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