"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have aggressive nipples.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
