well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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