I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just found puke in my bra..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
