She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
