I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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