Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
