are you so shy because you have an std?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
